VTV Series Episode 3: Pancakes

The Doctor, in the TARDIS, Sol 3; 2009

The TARDIS span out of control, whizzing through space, above the Earth. The slim, blue spaceship in front of it was firing energy bolts, and the Doctor struggled to avoid them. Then the TARDIS was chasing the blue ship through the Time Vortex, passing by the year 3000, and then nearly hitting the 1980s back in place, before the blue ship disappeared around the early 1900s.

“Damn it!” the Doctor cried, hitting the console with his fist. “Lost her.”

The TARDIS dematerialised, leaving the blue ship to its victory.

The Doctor and Katie Parker, in the TARDIS; date unknown

“So!” the Doctor cried. “Pancakes!”
“Can’t wait!” Katie grinned.
“The traditional pancake of England is sugar and lemon, but another popular favourite is chocolate,” the Doctor said, imitating a museum tour guide’s dull voice.
“We’ve gotta try both! We will, right…?”

The TARDIS dematerialised.

The Doctor and Katie Parker, London; 1913

And materialised in Britain. The Doctor stepped out, jumping over a puddle in his plimsolls, and sniffing the air. Katie stepped out after him, into the puddle.

“When are we?” Katie asked, looking around at the women wearing dresses she had seen women wearing before the war in her history class.
“I got it slightly wrong,” the Doctor said. “It’s 1913, before world war one.”
“I don’t care,” Katie said.
“Still, we made it to London!” the Doctor said, half-heartedly.
“I’ve only been here once,” Katie said, trying to make him feel better. “Everyone had even funnier accents than yours!”
“I’m not sure if they’ll be used to your accent,” the Doctor said. “Not many people have been abroad before.”
“Well, Guv’nor, I think I’ll manage,” Katie said, attempting an English accent.
“Err…” the Doctor said.
“Cor blimey! Those apples and pears look steep!” she pointed to some steps.
“No, don’t do that,” the Doctor said.
“So are we going to the Queen Vic or not?” Katie said. “They’d better have a dog and bone, I wanna call home!”
“No, really, don’t.”

A woman in a dress and a scarf flew down from her slim, blue spaceship on an umbrella. She frowned as she saw the blue box in the square. The Doctor was here. She’d only just escaped him last time. Pulling a gun from the dress of her pocket, she loaded it with an evil smile.

The Doctor noticed how Humans never look up. He thought it was one of the best things to do on a sunny day. Humans were so busy worrying about jobs, food, friends, that they hardly ever looked up. The Doctor noticed Katie was different. Though she usually looked at what was around on the ground, she occasionally looked up. The Doctor looked up at this particular moment in time, and saw a woman, in a dress and a sensible scarf, aiming a gun at him. Sensing the Doctor was troubled, Katie looked up.

“I don’t Adam and Eve it…” Katie said quietly. “It’s only bloody Mary Poppins with a gun!”
“Well she’s a bit of awright!” one man said next to her.

Katie looked around and realised everyone was watching Mary Poppins in the sky.

“Cor blimey Mary Poppins!” the Doctor said. “We’d better get a shift on!”
“What?” Katie asked.
“A shift on? Run!” the Doctor explained, grabbing Katie and running through the crowd.

The man who thought Mary Poppins was ‘a bit of awright’ ran after them. They ducked into a back-alley, hoping to prevent Mary Poppins from seeing them.

“What’s that then?” the man asked, pointing at the Doctor’s Sonic Screwdriver, which he was using to scan for alien tech.
“It’s a banana,” the Doctor said.
“Well, it don’t look like a banana,” the man said.
“That was just to shut –” the Doctor began.
“So, what’s your name then?” Katie asked quickly.
“I’m Bert miss. Is that your missus?” Bert asked the Doctor.
“Oh no, we’re not together, well, not in that sense. What’s your job, Bert?”
“I’m a chimney sweep enni?” Bert replied.
“Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-ee, a sweep is as lucky, as lucky can be,” Katie sang beautifully.
“What’s that then?” Bert asked, rather amazed.
“A song, from the film, Mar – oh my God!” Katie said. “You’re called Bert! Like Dick Van Dyke on the film!”
“A coincidence?” the Doctor asked.
“Maybe there really was a Bert!” Katie gasped.
“What are you on about?” Bert asked.
“There was a character called Bert in the film Mary Poppins!” Katie said.
“Film…? What do you mean?” Bert asked, confused.
“I… It’s hard to explain… Films are like moving pictures, but they talk and stuff,” Katie said.
“Who are you?” Bert asked, backing away.

He turned and ran from them, not waiting for a reply. As he left the alleyway, he was disintegrated, by Mary Poppin’s gun.

“What was that for?” Katie asked, as Mary Poppins approached them.
“I wasn’t hungry,” Mary Poppins replied.

Katie stared at her, astounded.

“He’s now just… Feed for the birds,” Mary Poppins said.
“That’s not much of a jolly holiday for him,” Katie snapped back.
“Anyway, you’re irrelevant,” Mary Poppins said, raising her gun.
“Sorry,” the Doctor said. “You might as well go and fly a kite now; I just disabled your gun.”
“I’m sure she’ll swallow it with a spoonful of sugar,” Katie said.
“Well that would be Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, but I’m afraid it won’t happen,” Mary Poppins said.
“What’s up with you and the Doctor then? Why do you wanna kill him?”
“He stole my money!” Mary Poppins said.
“The money you stole from the Galiptian Bank!” the Doctor protested.
“Still, that’s not the point, he tried to arrest me!”
“Oh well! Leave it alone! Get over it!” Katie said, annoyed at Mary Poppin’s stupid argument.
“And she stole the persona of a Time Lady!” the Doctor said.
“I only stole her name,” Mary Poppins replied.
“What? There’s a Time Lady called Mary Poppins?” Katie asked, amazed.
“You wouldn’t believe…” the Doctor said.
“I bet there were some great names to choose from,” Katie reflected.
“I know what you’re doing…” Mary Poppins snarled. “You’re stalling for time!”
“Damn, you caught us!” the Doctor said, not entirely serious, desperately trying to think of a plan.

Suddenly the Doctor, Katie and Mary Poppins were knocked off their feet by a massive shake. A spaceship like a tower block flew in overhead. Katie tried to push herself up off the ground, but another shake made her land on top of the Doctor. A second spaceship arrived, built like the first.

“It’s the Judoon!” the Doctor cried. “They’ve come to arrest her!”
“I’m not going that easily!” Mary Poppins shouted over the noise. “I’ll be back Doctor… Just you wait!”

And Mary Poppins disappeared in a blue light, clutching a teleport, her gun and her umbrella. The Doctor pulled Katie to her feet.

“Come on! We’ve gotta go! The Judoon might think you’re Mary Poppins in disguise!”
“What?!” Katie asked.
“Well she is a shape shifter…” the Doctor said.
“You’re kidding...” Katie said.
“No! She doesn’t really look like Mary Poppins; she’s more sort of… Scaly,” the Doctor said.
“Well come on then! Back to the STARDIS!” Katie cried, heaving the Doctor away. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about the pancakes you promised!”

End